my realm of vertigo

You shall not accept any information unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight and the brain, and you are responsible for using them {17:36}

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Feeling, Nothing but a feeling

This is the thing about feelings; it creeps up unto you when you least expected.
It may be a good thing to those who are pleasantly surprised by the lightning bolt of that initial amorous feeling. But it may come unfortunately sometimes as that heart-splitting hitting dagger which can knock you out instantly. I’ve experienced both, yes, something that’s hard to control.

That’s the thing about feeling; I’m pointing specifically to love. This four-letter word coupled with the potent emotion can really make people do stupid, even self-destructive stunts. Oh yes, I’ve been passionate, relentless, self-sacrificial, silly, irritating, understanding, you name it, I’ve been there, done that. If in normality, I would usually be in total control of myself but this sometimes unwelcomed affection just have to creep up and make me do compulsive actions that would force me to open myself up and do something silly, which is not something I fancy.

I like to be in control of myself and that’s why it’s difficult for me to let other people in on my life. But when true and genuine affection and passion comes whiff by and linger, I hold on and don’t want to let it go (even when it’s time to let go). I don’t know if this is what others have been doing and I don’t know if this is right. Is there any right or wrong answers? I think the difficult and thin line is to love unconditionally or to love your partner silly!

I believe that the partner you are with or the one that you are not with are all pre-planned. Perhaps the ones that you lost were just not meant for you and perhaps there are good reasons for that. Perhaps the ones that you are with, are with you for certain reasons, perhaps even more important than just to be your companion. Actually i have told my past companions, that i need more than just a relationship. I don't know, maybe i have created a negative impression on them with that statement. Hhhmmm...But that is just my principle. Maybe that principle has also made me err in my judgement in some ways. I don't know.

But anyway, I strongly believe that whatever I do, I have to put in my best effort and especially when it comes to something as important as the love I cultivate in my relationships.
I do not want to look back and to think that I’ve let go of something or someone that is so precious to me and I just let it go without care.

I have to be candid about this, but it’s not easy to find a good person in this world, let alone a good person who loves you and whom you love back, deeply, and if I did, do, or will find him, would I ever want to let him go? You live only once and how many times do you really fall in love deeply, actually? How many missed chances were there? I don't know about soulmates, maybe i'll only know who my soulmate really is on my deathbed. Sometimes when you thought that a person might be your soulmate, but it turns out not. For some, it turns out right...

There’s always this cliché in movies “When you find that someone, don’t let it go”
But whatever it is, I want to make sure that I’ve tried my best cos, if it doesn’t work out, I don’t want to look back and regret on anything. No regrets but to learn along the journey.


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